Thankful for change…

 

Today I am linking up with Ashley at the Domestic Fashionista. She has been doing a series on Thankfulness for the past several weeks, which she plans to continue through Thanksgiving Day.

I think it’s a great idea and a good challenge.

If you’re like me, the upcoming elections, news headlines and the media often keep me from being as thankful as I really should be.

This week I am thankful for change.

For a long time I saw my faults and failures as something that needed to be addressed directly. That to conquer the things I disliked in my character, I needed to face them head-on. For some people, that may be true, but I found that for myself, change is a sneaky thing.

I’m thankful that one day I decided to quit trying to purge myself, to just let me be. Faults and all. God allowed me to come into this world exactly as I am, and he loves me. Often, the negative aspects in our character are not there just for us to remove, but for us to learn from. If I rid them all in one swipe, I would miss many valuable lessons.

I’m thankful that my friendships have changed. I was always the boss in relationships. The alpha. The one who planned things. The one who hosted parties. I love being the center of attention. But that’s all changed. Over the past few years or so, I feel like I've lost almost every relationship that ever mattered to me, with the exception of my husband, parents and in-laws. Life got in the way for all of us. Marriages, babies, school, jobs, relocation, and even misunderstandings in some cases. But I’m ok with that, because I feel like it’s the way its supposed to be right now. For three years I have left off praying any other prayer than the following:

“God, break my heart…so I can have yours.”

Sweet Jesus, He’s broken it into a million pieces. But I see people like I’ve never seen them before, and don’t miss the past at all.
It does hurt sometimes though. One night this week I cried all night long for the people in my past, who seem so out of reach already.
It’s like I’m standing outside on a street, looking through a window into another world. A world I would never return to, but I can’t help
but want to bang on the window and scream for them to get out.

I’m thankful for how my ideas have changed. I know I’m only 24 (give me a break), but I’ve always been pretty bullheaded. You really can’t convince me I’m wrong about something because I’m so good at arguing and bringing up completely inconsequential points. I’m great at deflecting attention to something else. But I’ve learned to try to look at things from another person’s shoes. Even if we maintain our original stance on an issue, we can handle it differently if we change our perspective and attitude.

I am thankful for the changes to come. Hopefully I have another 70 years to change. There are things I wish I could change quickly, like my issue of patriotism for example, but I think it will fall into place one day. I know most people probably wouldn’t sit around and worry about whether they are patriotic or not, but I do. On a daily basis. It’s confusing to be a young American right now. I need that to change.

I am thankful that I want to change. It should go without saying in a post like this, but I’ve met so many people who really don’t want to change. I’m glad that somewhere along the way, I was bitten by the bug of ambition.

I am thankful that my ambitions have changed. When I was younger, my ambition was to conquer life. As I get a little older, my ambition is to flow with life. I refuse to reach an old age with regrets.

So I must continue changing.